Dating in a developing country can be tricky. With all the stories of scams going on and people only dating you for your money, it is hard to rule out that underlying doubt whether or not your date really likes you.
Many conversations will revolve around money. People seem to be obsessed with money and wealth. And figuring out your net worth. You buy something new, the first thing they ask is how much you paid and usually, that story is followed by the many dreams the other person has for him or herself that involves a lot of money.
If you are the kind of person that likes to share the goodness in your life and the kind of person to take every stray puppy home, so to speak, you may find this very confronting. To help or not to help pops up way too many times. Add love as an extra ingredient to this and it becomes even less clear.
It can make you feel good to be needed. But when you’re needed only for what your money can do, then it may be a sign that you’re dating the wrong person. And being taken advantage of.
When you start dating a person and conversations often dwell on your bank account and your income it might be the case that that is all your new partner is interested in. And sometimes it is done so subtly that you only notice the abuse after your account has hit the red.
Here are 6 signs that tell you if you are loved for the money and your ATM card only.
1. Your date will not pay for anything
He or she expects you to pay all the time. Now when your date is a woman this might not be such a huge indicator. But when you are a woman and expected to pay for every date this is a sign. No self-respecting man wants you to pay for everything. Not even when there is a huge age difference or your partner has less money to spend.
A creative date with less money to spend than you have can come up with ideas to take you out on an affordable surprise date. And in these days where women ask men and tell men, they love them first, that also includes the women dating you.
2. Your date always has a sad story that only money can solve
Your date’s mother, sister, uncle, cousin needs to visit a doctor, medication needs to be bought and is so expensive. Buy me a phone so we can stay in touch (especially for long distant relationships) Or load so I can call you.
The business he or she wants to start could only be a success with a bigger budget. The house needs fixing, electricity bills, school supplies, or just plain: somebody borrowed money from me and now I am broke, can you please lent me some, I will pay you back!?
Remember that in many cultures a loan is a gift, you never get your money back even if they keep promising to repay you for many years after.
This money asking can turn into a pattern when the user will always ask you for money, and the story will be so heartbreaking that you’d just give in. After all, you love this person!
The worst part is that when you ask about the doctors’ visit or any of the other things you helped with financially they quickly change the topic to divert your attention.
My date in Mexico asked for 500 pesos because he lost his job. When I ignored that, he cut the date short saying he had to go to work…..not very smart!?
Another date wanted to start a business in the city I lived and told me straight out how much money he needed for that, it was our first date. When I repeatedly told him the days after that in WhatsApp that I was eating at home, for I was nog rich, he broke things off. He told me he liked me, but he needed money.
3. The person you date is too proud of your possessions
Oh yes, and this one really hurt when I read about it. I remembered my ex Filipino boyfriend wanting me to take pictures of him on my brand new motorcycle and behind my laptop and with my Nikon, and post it on his Facebook. It was not about me, but about my gadgets. I seldom appeared on his Facebook, and when I asked if he was ashamed of me, he gave me a lame excuse.
You may find your girlfriend introducing you as “her boyfriend, who took me on that trip I told you about………or……who has that great job where he got promoted to…….”. In that case, you should wonder if this ‘love’ that is flowing around is about you.
And isn’t it writing on the wall, when your significant other says: You are so rich, over and over again instead of: you look beautiful today?
4. Your love has a very expensive taste
Now, this might not be at first. I remember my boyfriend being a simple guy enjoying simple pleasures. But after a while barbecue sticks at the street-food vendor became prawns in a resort and Ukay Ukay shirts became branded clothes. And it seemed never enough.
He developed a taste that was way beyond his and even my budget.
And when I did not give in, he could disappear for days. Knowing that I hated that, and by doing so manipulating me emotionally.
5. All of your arguments start and end with money
You get a silent treatment from your love when you refuse to pay for something.
There doesn’t seem to be anything that can win them over to pay attention to you again aside from that thing they want you to pay for. In time, you’ll start to notice that the quick fix for your arguments and discussions and to break through that silent treatment is expensive dinners, gadgets or plain cash for them to spend as they please.
You may have tried other romantic moves to win your dates loving attention again, but it seems like the happiness of your significant other is directly connected to your bank account.
6. Your date isn’t motivated to earn an income of him/herself
Now this one might be a little controversial, for there are many stay-at-home-mums that do not make an income. But that is what they are: Mums, they raise the kids. Or, in my case, men that want to start a business with my money.
But when your significant other is too lazy to put in his or her weight to pay the bills, that is a whole different story than a stay-at-home-mum.
If you are feeding, clothing and housing your partner and there is nothing or little in return, the scale is off-balance.
Relationships are about being equal and growth. About sharing and caring. Now it may feel good that your partner needs you and you care for them but if that creates a dependency on your income there is something wrong. Especially when that dependency comes with emotional manipulation and egocentrically behavior.
Now if you are the kind of person that only knows how to show love by buying and giving things to your partner, you have a whole different problem you need to address. This attitude may make you very vulnerable for those glaring at your money
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Jeanette, a Dutch female nomad, started to travel the world at the age of 17. Walker of beaches, shell searcher and iPhone photographer. Writer and owner of two websites
Currently, she lives in Mexico.
She is an emigration coach and works online.