In Readers Ask Questions today a question from a Filipino living in Canada. He approached me through Facebook messenger:
I was wondering if I could ask you some very random questions…
I think you’re the best to ask these
So, I’ve been here in Canada for over a year now
And I’ve been on a few dates.. entirely with Asians.
But just out of curiosity, I thought I might ask you… do you think the reason why I’ve had no luck with getting dates with white girls is that white women do not find us Asian guys attractive?
By the way, I’m in my mid-twenties
Well… I’m Dutch and we Dutch are very open-minded, but being Dutch it is difficult for me to speak on behalf of the Canadian women when it comes to cultural behaviour and preferences based on upbringing and imprint.
A woman is a woman
So from the female point of view, I can share some of the things that I have in mind when I’m dating. And from my experience, I can tell you that these rules apply for most women.
We want our guy to be taller because we want to be able to put our head on his shoulder
This might not be an issue for some girls, but most girls want to feel subconsciously protected by her (future) guy and that is why we like you to be taller.
You being an Asian guy, you are probably not as tall as we find appealing on first sight. So there you have a setback.
You have to get to the girl beyond that first impression. And Adjust your dating style accordingly.
Maybe adjust your conversation and mix in a very casual way in that you may be shorter than she is but no lesser man.
But be aware not to make this your opening line!
You may have just stumbled upon that rare girl that does not look at the height and then you bring it up as an issue int he opening line. That would be awkward.
Or maybe you are sitting, and she hadn’t noticed! And you miss your chance to get her number based on your sparkling personality or gorgeous dark brown eyes.
We like a guy that knows what he wants
Now Asian men are raised to be very courteous, very service minded and to spoil women, and most of you have specialized yourself in the field of romancing a girl out of her shoes.
But the service-minded attitude sometimes gives us women the impression you do whatever we like without sharing your own personality.
For example, my BF says way too often: Babe, I’m happy when you are happy”
I dislike that.
I do prefer a little dominance in a guy, some show of personality.
Same with a guy that says when eating out: I have whatever you have, what you like, I like.
Well, that awakens the devil in me, I love to order something off the menu you dislike to the bone and watch you eat that or go hungry.
Not because I dislike you, but I dislike your habit of pleasing me beyond yourself.
So I tell my BF: speak your mind man! Be yourself, if you do not like it, you do not like it, if you want something, you want it, regardless of what I think of it.
I have to deal with my end of your choice and I love it if you have a life of your own, your own taste of food, your own perspective on politics, finances, your own liking in movies and sports, clothing and activities.
Be self-confident, know what you want and speak up.
Those are two major things we women we have in common
And all of us girls dream of the romantic stuff you are well known to the moonlit beach-walks, star gazing, roses and so on and so on……but you Asian men are pretty good in that. In a very Asian matter.
And we love it when occasionally you watch a sobby movie or a rom-com with us although you dislike that, as much as we love to watch a game with you every now and then although we dislike it.
Tips on dating a white woman
Go to places where you can meet white women
Do not be scared to step out your comfort zone and visit places where you probably be the only Asian guy
Make non-Asian friends
non-Asian friends will most likely lead you to non-Asian women
Pull your White girl into the Asian culture
Most women of all races absolutely love to learn about different cultures, and if you happen to meet one that is narrow-minded, then forget about her.
Show her that you’re no different from any other guy
Do not be any of those Asian stereotypes. You’re cool, you’re confident, and you know how to socialize. You’re no different than that white guy she used to hang around with
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Jeanette, a Dutch female nomad, started to travel the world at the age of 17. Walker of beaches, shell searcher and iPhone photographer. Writer and owner of two websites
Currently, she lives in Mexico.
She is an emigration coach and works online.