After dating a few Filipino’s and comparing them to Western men I dare to say the Filipino man is quite a challenge.
He is a confusing mix between dominance, narcissistic and hen-pecked, and I consider them being a selfish and caring romantic.
The guys I dates were absolute romantic and overwhelmingly caring while dating. They would promise me the moon and all the stars in the universe. Sitting next to me on a moonlit beach he would dream of a house together, working together, caring for me for the rest of my life and loving me forever and ever.
The old skool patriarchal culture of the Philippines is hard to rule out. Modern men, living in the mainstream of modern life have already changed a lot and become more and more adjusted to a balanced relationship. Sharing more and more their deepest thoughts and emotions, and by doing so building an intimate relationship.
Dating a guy from the countryside I found to be a hard one.
Being very involved in themselves they somehow are also very insecure about their masculinity
Pride and insecurity
A Filipino man is a proud man, he does not want to lose face. He wants you to be at his side even when you are not together, meaning: he will control your whereabouts.
For me, it is clear that It is their insecurity that makes them very controlling combined with their knowledge that their fellow citizens are wanting to prove their manhood.
daily questions like:
where have you been?
who else was there?
did you go alone?
did you stay long?
are pretty normal. Those questions are not only to make conversation. They are also to check up on you. I was told that a good Filipina will ask her boyfriend permission to go out.
It is no surprise that many Filipino women are looking for a foreigner as a life partner. The men in their own country are known to be untrustworthy and dreamers.
They promise you the world only to accomplish nothing. They speak words without overseeing the bigger picture and they will do or say almost anything to make you feel good, pass a guilt trip on you and play you emotionally.
As I researched my own experiences to compare them with others I read that in a country where women took over control over the lazy, drinking, promiscuous and gambling average male, Filipinos have become smooth talkers and very service minded to keep the peace.
On many occasions when I found myself confronting my date of that time with his behavior, he always managed to talk his way out of the situation or he seems to have mastered the art of twisting things in such a way that I was to blame.
Changing the subject by picking up chores in the house or the garden was another way to avoid explaining why and when.
When you are the one explaining where you have been all the time and he tells you nothing about his whereabouts, there is a misbalance
Demanding and pushy
While talking to other (Western) women I have learned that most experience Filipino men as demanding and pushy.
After the romance disappears because you have the title girlfriend, they are more dominant than you can imagine.
He is the one in control of appointments and keeping them, or more often: not keeping them.
I just met some friends bae, we had a few drinks, but I love you!
It is raining today, I cannot come to see you
I’m tired, I do not feel like going out
He is also the one to order you around if he gets a chance:
get me a drink
make me some food
switch on the television
No real communication, just facts or demands.
Manipulative and promiscuous
Filipino men are great manipulators. In their urge to please you, they make sure they get it ‘their way’ or things come their way.
Do Filipina’s have a name to scam (manipulate) foreigners, Filipino men are an upcoming group in that area..
The (Western) women that shared their experiences with me always mentioned the abundant longing for brand clothing, gadgets, fancy dinners and money for the family and hospital bills.
On behalf of the Filipino people I must say, this is probably more a poor-country-kind of thing than a gender thing: faking a loving relationship in order to improve yourself. ( f.e. Egyptian and Turkish young men, romancing the money out of middle-aged women pockets in resorts) There are many women feeling tricked by their lover worldwide.
In that same manipulative way, Filipino men are easy to talk you into a (sexual) relationship. Even when they are committed to another woman. Filipino men are known to be promiscuous. They have a huge appetite for sex and if not available at home, they easily get it elsewhere. In my opinion that comes with that strong-minded, proud attitude, combined with the urge to prove their manhood. I must say that my dates never cheated on me and were loyal, so this part of my text is from researching the internet and talking to other women.
Most of all Filipino men are just like any other men but culture, historical background, and poverty might emphasize certain character traits a bit more
Filipino men have some very impressive positive character traits. In the West, those are long gone. The ongoing emancipation of women in the Western world certainly has a negative side to it, and I must say: I still love it when a man holds the door for me or pulls my chair.
Filipino men are very caring. Whether it is to stop you asking difficult questions or not, or whether it is to get things their way, or just simply because they love you deeply, they simply care a lot.
Raised in a culture where women are respected for just being women, they know how to treat a woman the right way.
They carry your bag, do help around the house and run errands, and they are very protective. Footnote: if they feel like it!
They are very gentle, you can nag all you want, they will listen (or pretend to listen) and when you cry they hold you and comfort you.
They are very patient, with you having a bad day or a go at them, with children, animals, you name it. They can stand outside a shop for hours waiting for you to finish or sit through endless family dinners without getting annoyed.
They are very protective, they will put their own life at risk, so you are safe. They will do everything in their power to keep you safe.
They have a good sense of humor. They see happiness in everything, they can tell jokes and show you the bright side of life in a way no one else can.
They love unconditionally. Once they have chosen you, they stick with you. House pants, bad-hair-day, aging and wrinkles, they love you no matter what.
It is very hard to break with a Filipino man. For they truly believe in forever. In sickness and in health until death do you part. Even with a second wife on the side.
They are proud men, although, to my belief, they use their pride the wrong way, they are strong, proud men to look up to when they show you their best side.
And they should show that strong pride more often. Than Filipino men will speak their mind, instead of words to please, and keep promises.
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Jeanette, a Dutch female nomad, started to travel the world at the age of 17. Walker of beaches, shell searcher and iPhone photographer. Writer and owner of two websites
Currently, she lives in Mexico.
She is an emigration coach and works online.