I am dating in Mexico, it has been like little over a year nog Facebook rolled out their dating app here and I started using it. How am I doing? Did my prince on the white horse come riding through the desert yet?
It has been quite an experience to date these hardworking Mexican men
There is no lack of attention, every day I have 4 or 5 likes. Most I swipe to the left. For they haven’t posted photos of themselves but rather from their children, grandchildren, superheroes, pets or saints. I want to be able to see the man I am going to chat to.
In a country where there lies more weight in going to the bank to pay a bill than in being faithful to your partner, I have to decipher first if my suitor is really single. I learned my lesson through hardship, and now I have developed a system to find out. Since Facebook says you cannot find the person you connect with on Facebook dating, you have to look up the guy before you accept his ‘like’ and enter the chat-zone. But with a land filled with Luis’ Alejandro’s and Alberto’s, it is sometimes quite a search to find them.
And in a land where men think they are single when their wife lives across the state with their 4 kids, you need to dig a little deeper to ease your mind on possible adulterers. Just check their photo’s, most of the time there will be kids birthday parties and those mostly include the mum. Men, in general, are not very clever when it comes to hiding things.
And still, even when I do my PI survey, I still hook up occasionally with married guys, trying to get a sleepover or a quick stop in hotel de Paso or love hotel.
The amount of infidelity in this country makes me wonder if I will ever find a man that I can trust
This infidelity thing works both ways, when you see so many men ready to have a sidekick, you cannot help but wonder when you do meet a single man looking for something more than a hook-up if he will be faithful to you. Since morality in this area of Mexico is low. And the players, my god don’t get me started on the number of players out there.
I blame the tourist industry for this, every girl that needs a few bucks places herself on craigslist or Facebook dating and every guy that wants a new iPhone hook sup with an older rich tourist looking for some fun.
I am not sure if this is all over Mexico, I really hope not, for I haven’t found my prince charming yet.
I am a romantic soul and I love happy endings but I doubt I will find it here in Mexico
Dating in Mexico is confusing as hell. On the internet, you read all positive stories and stereotype articles, but in reality, it is a challenge to separate the boys from the men, at all ages. I have had 60-year-old men wanting to marry me at first contact, going all overboard with piropos (flirting and sweet talk) and everything younger ready for a hook-up, looking for a mother for their children or an investor in their dream business. And none of them spoke English.
It became so bad that I wrote a very direct profile to scare them off right then and there
I am a quick learner and since I dated a lot in the Philippines, I knew a little bit what to expect. I had to conquer prejudice about white women being rich or an easy green card, and white women being easy to get for casual sex.
So I wrote in my profile that I was not going to financially support my date, that he needed to speak English a little, and that I prefered if he has grown kids and a steady job AND HE HAS TO BE SINGLE!
Not all men read, but it helped, still I have plenty of men to choose from. But since I am picky, not many are swiped right.
Under 40 swipe left, over 65 swipe left, moustache, beard, no photo, all go left. I need a man to be the same height or slightly taller, so everything under 1.65 swipe left, smokers swipe left. When you have a lot of likes you can afford to be picky and since I know what I want for myself, I allow myself to criticise the men a lot. In silence for we do not want to hurt any feelings.
That does not go for the man, They have no problems with hurting you by lying to you, or being all rude and blunt or even condescending.
Most of the guys I swipe right make it to Whatsapp, lot’s of them get blocked there for showing their true colours once they have moved up. A few make it to a real-life meeting. And from those few, none remained thus far.
One made me pay for the whole date without even blinking or suggesting we split the bill
One was al over me like an octopus, I had to free myself by sneaking out the restaurant, I wonder if he figured it out yet I left
One wanted a loan for a salon
One was married and had hidden that from me in a very clever way (fucking handsome though!!)
Three never showed
One cancelled and is full of excuses whey we cannot reschedule.
One moved out of town because of COVID-19 outbreak and went to the safety of the campo
One hardly spoke English and I tried but it didn’t work
There are a few, that returned in the chat after a couple of weeks after I stopped texting back, we tried to make a conversation again, but it’s like with an ex, once you get together again you remember very fast why he was an ex in the first place. Also in round 2, making conversation did not work out.
Where am I now in my Mexican dating adventure?
At the moment I am chatting with three men, on and off, for Mexican men are strange conversationalists. They seem to lack the ability to show genuine interest, they only want to chat at their preferred time (Usually when they are bored or half-drunk) and the conversations go nowhere.
After we have passed the stage of “hi, how are you” I want the conversation to be a mix of light-footed fun and deeper meaningful chat with a touch of vulnerability. It has to move forward. And when a man says he likes me and he wants a date with me he has to put his money where his mouth is, Actions speak louder than words. Follow up, pursue me, not halfhearted but full! Show me that you want me in your life like you say you do. So far, the Mexican men I have spoken with, lack that ability.
So end result: My phone number is all over Mexico and especially the state of Quintana Roo.
I do not like dating in Mexico, it is a weird process with a lot of macho blabla to cover up male insecurity or double agenda’s. It is a shame, for I saw many very nice and good looking men pass my screen.
Although there are a lot of severely obese men out there, the majority is nice, little chubby and sometimes downright good looking, shame most of them have such lousy character.
Will I ever find my knight in shining armour here, riding a donkey while wearing a big sombrero?
Jeanette, a Dutch female nomad, started to travel the world at the age of 17. Walker of beaches, shell searcher and iPhone photographer. Writer and owner of two websites
Currently, she lives in Mexico.
She is an emigration coach and works online.