Mexican people spent so much time on WhatsApp, it is their prime communication app over Messenger and SMS. I was not so much into WhatsApp. Actually, I dislike it. I prefer messenger, but under the pressure of the county’s habits, I have to switch.
Since I am using Facebook-Dating I am now a user of WhatsApp as well.
The first thing a Mexican will suggest is moving the conversation away from Facebook
As a more or less WhatsApp virgin, I had to look for the etiquette and decide on a set of workable rules of my own.
I can’t stand it when a guy plays mind-games with me. And texting is the ultimate way to play mind-games.
I have learned that in the Philippines, excuses like: no reach, no power, low batt’ po, there were multiple excuses and mostly came down to I did not feel like texting you back for I had better things to do.
Here in Mexico that seems to be no different, despite the fact that everyone on the bus seems to be Whatsapping like crazy. When a guy, tired after a long day at work, gets his phone out he has plenty of messages so I’m told, he is very busy.
But even in Mexico, people get a lunch break and when you read a message it is only a few clicks to text” get back to you later, busy now’. especially for there is so much shorthand in texting, it would take even less typing. But that argument, that does not stick when I tell them that.
Do the same rules apply as in Messenger? And how about my own personal boundaries?
I think it is not so much a matter of being busy, it is a matter of priorities.
Case: I send a message, 2 lines, asking a question.
Half through the day I see the message is read, no answer
evening comes, no answer
morning comes, no answer
day passes, late afternoon: message
but no answer to my question, a random different question that makes me feel the need to apologize for something (afterward I thought: What was I thinking, no need to apologize on my end!)
after that silence.
I text a few days later, he reads it……silence.
Here are my thoughts on a guy not replying to your texts for, let’s say, 24 hours
1. He’s manipulative and playing games
I’m not stupid. I know perfectly when a man is trying to play with my emotions and tries to get inside my head. But that is such childish behavior it almost makes me laugh. By not answering he hopes I will panic and be more attentive to him when he does text me. Ow man, anything you can do, I can do better. Just watch me (do nothing anymore)
I do not want you more because you text me less
2. He is insecure or super selfish
A man that does not text back, or falters in the conversation is an insecure man or a super selfish man, and that in most cases is insecurity in a cover-up.
A man that cannot show interest in my day, my health and me as a person and has nothing to talk about other than how is the weather and how are you? Or is ranting on about his own day each time he does connect, is totally not my kind of man.
Dating is about getting to know each other when you cannot put in the effort or do not have the creativity to keep a conversation going with a woman you say you like or are interested in, then what DO you have to offer at all?
3. As a grown-up, you should be able to multi-task.
And with multi-task, I do not mean watch a game and text, but more like drink coffee and text, stand in line and text, sit in a bus and text, as all your other fellow Mexicans do.
Those dull moments we all stare at our phones to pass the time.
4. He’s trying to control the situation
By not texting me back he makes it about him being in control, or so he thinks. He is setting boundaries all by himself about how much time we can spend on texting. Not very promising for the future. Does he set boundaries as well without involving me in the decision or listening to my needs? Is he that dominant in a relationship?
5. He would not have done this with a friend
Since I read the research on texting behavior in Mexico I know for a fact he would not have left any of his friends or family waiting for 24 hours, so why is he doing it to me, the woman he tries to impress?
He treats me like I am not a human being and disrespects me and my feelings and emotions.
Here is the deal, or in other words: My set of rules
1. I’m not going to spent time waiting for a guy to text me.
For him taking so long to text me back shows I am not a priority, shows lack of respect and he is probably not half as interested in me as he says he is.
Game over man, your loss.
2. I’m over the “busy”-excuse
Many guys, when you confront them with their behavior are busy. And I am so over this excuse. They all use it and it is not a unicum anymore it is more a general thing, all the guys are always busy.
Well, when you are too busy for a short text a day to yours truly, then I am out.
For the signal I pick up is that you are too busy to date (me)
3. There’s something called texting etiquette, use them!
I know most Mexicans are aware of the WhatsApp etiquettes. I have never met a more responsive nation to WhatsApp ever than Mexicans. So why is he so different from the rule?
When it takes you longer than 24 hours to text someone back or you left them on “read” (the double blue marks) for many many hours, at least an apology or some sort of recognition about how long the reply took is in order.
Just like there are rules for dining, greeting your parents and meeting a business partner, there are rules for texting.
And when a guy does not even apologize for not texting back asap, I am out, for he probably already was out long before.
Final thoughts on dating and texting in general
I dislike the fact that people do not tend to share the end decision with you, as they go from texting you good morning and sleep well, every day including the mushy smileys and stickers with hearts, to absolutely no contact overnight, without telling you they met someone that fits them better, they changed their minds or anything…..anything at all.
I think we dating human beings should be more honest and more respectful with each other, after all, it is the politeness that softens the blow of misreading someones “I like you a lot I want to get to know you better”-text that initiated all this.
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Jeanette, a Dutch female nomad, started to travel the world at the age of 17. Walker of beaches, shell searcher and iPhone photographer. Writer and owner of two websites
Currently, she lives in Mexico.
She is an emigration coach and works online.
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