I was a little prejudice about Filipino men, courtship, and love. Starting off with a very bad example of how courtship in the Philippines happens I was reluctant to take another step. Lucky for me someone else took the step for me and was very persuasive on the matter. And now I find myself in a happy relationship and I realize I have so much to adjust my preconceived opinion, which was merely based on internet research and hearsay.
There is not much available on the subject of the Filipino man and love life. There is even more available on the subject of Filipinas dating Western men.
So my blogs will add a little more first-hand knowledge to the subject I suppose.
How does the internet present a Filipino man?
When you seriously want to date a Filipino and start doing some research, you will find that Filipino men are categorized as
the mama boy
the master chicker
They easily get henpecked by a tiger mom or tiger wife and love to cheat, drink and gamble.
Only a few articles tell about the men being gentle, romantic, caring and devoted.
And some of those articles state those attitudes only occur during the courtship and dating phase. Once you have a solid relationship, trouble starts.
But those articles are always about them dating within their own culture. Not based on dating another culture. If you find articles on Pinoy dating cross-cultural, it is overseas workers dating in the country they abide. Filipino men dating a white woman in their motherland is rare to find this subject on the internet.
Where did my preconceived opinion come from?
My opinion is based on those articles, conversations with Filipinas and expats that share their ‘wisdom’ with me on the subject.
That basically comes down to:
Do not trust them,
They only want your money,
They are probably married
They probably are heavily in debt
They have a drinking or gambling problem.
They are terrible lovers
So there you go, add to all that lovely intel some of the experiences from Western guys being scammed out of their pants by Filipinas and you have my prejudice.
With all the negativity going on, why did I start dating?
I did not come to the Philippines to find a husband. I do happen to fall in love by accident. And that relationship ended after a few weeks with the guy ghosting on me. he did not know how to deal with a relationship and confirmed my prejudice about Filipino men. Very egocentric he was and he drank a lot, and I mean a lot. And very shady about his whereabouts and whimsical when it came to appointments.
But after that experience, I realized I did not want to be alone anymore. I liked the idea of having someone special in my life. I guess we all go through stages in life and my period as a happy single seemed to have ended. Time to explore new horizons. But a little reluctant. Since all the prejudice and previous experience. I had not made up my mind completely about the Philippines and me dating a Filipino.
But a friend becomes more than a friend quickly and stepping in the empty space left by the other guy with an efficacy I have seldom experienced before. I was kind of swept off my feet under a starry sky on a white beach.
How about reality? as in: My reality?
Ever since him pursuing me, my life has been changing rapidly. We kissed, had great sex and he has been in my life ever since. My love for him grows every day and he loves me deeply. How do I know?
he is there every step of my way
he allows me to travel and to be creative
he tells me he loves me
he shows me how much he loves me
he is always interested in my life and whereabouts without being clingy or nosy
he contacts me every moment of the day
stops by almost every day, sometimes just to steal a kiss or drink coffee
he is caring and protective without overdoing it
Long story short: Him loving me makes me a better person. His unconditional love breaks through barriers. And he takes away all my preconceived opinions that were totally wrong. He is also rapidly proofing all the worried expats with their warning wrong. Although he has little to no money, he does not want anything from me.
All he wants is my love and be part of my daily life: meaning coffee on the beach, walking the beach, riding the island, going to the public market and taking naps together.
And off course the kissing and the sex.
He is a skilled lover. Open about his sexuality and not shy. He knows how to please a woman.
So here I am, readjusting my opinion about Filipino men, realizing that I might just be that one lucky woman that found a rare gem among all the gambling cheating drunks in this country.
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Jeanette, a Dutch female nomad, started to travel the world at the age of 17. Walker of beaches, shell searcher and iPhone photographer. Writer and owner of two websites
Currently, she lives in Mexico.
She is an emigration coach and works online.