He likes me, he likes me not, do you need to know?
Searching the internet for leads on whether your date likes you or not, you get all sorts of articles. From 3 ways up till 75 ways to tell if a man is interested in you.
And I must say that in the past I googled to find answers on this topic myself. For dating is very confusing and both parties can give off mixed signals and it is so nice to know if you are on the right track.
I, for example, am the Queen of Mixed signals. I can drive a guy totally insane with my pushing and pulling. That is, although I feel lonely sometimes and miss someone special, I am also totally happy as a single and I need a lot of ‘me-time’.
So the moment a guy comes close, I back out because I panic. But the moment the moon turns full and I feel romantically lonely I start chasing him, for I need him. And I am so insecure to just say: hey, come over, I need company tonight for it is a fucking romantic evening and I do have a bottle of wine.
I mean….what if he says no?? That is rejection and rejection hurts
So when dating a guy that gives me mixed signals, man, we have a blast. It is me pushing and pulling him and him getting hot and cold on me! it would make great reality TV, I tell you that. I guess those are the days I search the internet for clues just as you did, ending up here.
I have a meaning about all those articles and I will spill the beans of the solution how to know if a guy likes you at the end of the article, I promise. But first this:
When you feel the urge to seek the internet for answers, there is something not clear in your dating life.
We, women, have a tendency to rush into an imaginary relationship after the first date. We are way ahead of him. While he is flipping through his contact numbers to see whom else he likes to date besides you, we are already preparing the questionnaire for the next date. And while preparing a serious interrogation to see if you and he are on the same page, you stop wonder and dream away: does he like me……..
Let me spill some of the beans right here and now:
Searching the internet for clues whether he likes you or not after 1 date is insane. Even after two dates, it is insane. You guys are still discovering. And although in the Philippines things can move very fast, since people here date to marry, you need to slow it down and be realistic about it.
You are only in the discovery stage and if he initiates the next date, he probably likes you. Whether or not you are girlfriend material, is a question for a few dates down the road. And that road needs to be enjoyed. So enjoy it!
Stop pondering and being a control freak
Knowing whether or not a guy likes you depend more on your confidence that the 10 signs and his body language or eye contact.
Your gut feeling should not be left out in the dating process. And with saying that I mean: When a guy goes hot and cold on you or takes his sweet time to text you back, listen to what your gut has to say while watching the world through your pink love haze.
Every date you take your gut feeling with you, and after every date, you consult it. And in between it is on a side burner, simmering to signal possible red flags.
Being a person that can push and pull in relationships, I know my dark side and the confusion it can create for the guy I am dating. For believe me, although many women search the internet to get answers about guys, we girls can put up a freak show as well when dating. As men, we are only human. We only come from a different planet, but we hurt, we are scared, insecure and overdramatic. Just like guys can be. And if my date had his gut feeling with him all the time, he would probably see me waving a lot of red flags at him
We ghost, we cheat, we lie, we duck and dive, we pull the same tricks men pull
And liking or even loving a person has nothing to do with availability. In the Philippines dated a guy I loved. To be honest, I was so madly in love with him I changed my lifestyle of endless travel for him and rebranded myself on the internet from “Nomadic Blogger” to “JC Living in the Philippines”
He ghosted me, I have no clue why, but after 2 weeks living on his island, he just disappeared. I was not in a state to confront him. I felt confused, alone, bewildered, flabbergasted and blamed myself also for giving off needy signals.
So I texted him (yes I know: So not done in the West but in the Philippines texting rules in dating land) I texted him I was out and that was it, never heard from him again. And I moved on. (well, I cried, whined, got drunk and got a rebound and then moved on) The rebound guy got the same bullshit from me, endured it a lot longer, for some reason and I broke up with him also. Shame on me. I know. I behaved very badly.
I became the Lady Rider and moved away from the island only to return 6 months later and to be surprised by the first guy showing up again, ready for a whole new episode of hot and cold in the tropics.
This time I was more prepared, less vulnerable and more important: I had finally defined what I looked in a relationship. I told him from day 1 it was not going to work. Yet he and I do have a strong connection that is easily translated into love feelings. Very confusing. I lost it a bit, only a bit, because of his hot and cold behavior that pushed some wrong buttons in my past experience and hurt. But I got my act together pretty quickly.
Long story short: he had not changed a bit, although very much in love. He thought marriage was the answer to all our ‘problems’
Does it matter whether or not he likes me? And here is where I spill the beans:
All those articles about 101 ways to know if he likes you……all those articles of self-help, explanation about behavior and unavailable men and needy women. They do not offer you any answers. They make you feel good or are written in a way that compels to you, you can identify with all of them for you only absorb those parts that reflect on your situation. But they will not help you a bit.
Whether he likes you or not is the question you should be asking for it does not matter at all. Well, maybe a little bit. But with your boundaries in mind: not really!
Only in the empathic spectrum, it matters: you do not intentionally want to hurt his feelings. For you probably do care for him. And you already see yourself riding off in the sunset with him. That sends you on a wild goose chase on the internet, didn’t it?
Back to me: for me, a man liking me has become less important. I realized that the moment I hesitated to accept the first date in Mexico.
I need to feel safe, loved, respected, I want to feel emotionally connected, or at least growing towards an emotional connection. And I want a man to make me feel like I am his queen. I want him to be proud of me, as I am proud of my man. Ad most of all I want him to want to get to know me, the woman behind the social media, the person I am when nights get lonely and the ghosts want to break free, the woman that walks the beaches, preferably alone, and sometimes with him. All that in random order.
And practically: I want my man around a bit, not too often, but at least one date a week, preferably a few more. I want him to be able to take care of me when I get sick or take me out on a Sunday, that sort of thing. I want him to be connected to me and my life
So him liking me or not, or me loving him or not, was not the main question to ask. I know a man likes me, or the looks of me, or the prospect of social and economic profits, for he asks me on a date. That should tell me enough, and I am a likable person. So why doubt his feelings for me?
Better see if he puts his money where his mouth is, that has more value!
I give my prospect dates a (short) chance. I look for areas where both of us are willing to meet the other halfway. But when conversations are mostly dull and not so much about me, but about the weather, or when I come to his place, I quit.
I do take into consideration that due to different cultural backgrounds we speak different love languages, but showing that you like a woman is the same all over the world.
In the Philippines, I learned that sometimes love can not conquer all. Love can not conquer the unwillingness of a person to give in, to confirm or to commit
So would search the internet for clues if he loves me or not help me in this case? No, it would not. Actually, it only confuses me.
Some articles contradict each other, multiple dating sites have multiple articles on the same subject all saying more or less the same, but yet not all too accurate. The outcome of the online available tests that is ‘painfully true’ is so predictable that it was almost humorous. If it weren’t so sad to realize that we women inflict these articles on ourselves. Someone actually makes a lot of money on this bullshit, for we are so desperate and lack confidence and wisdom the moment we go on a date.
Holy shit…..we women are the cause of all this relationship websites
What matters is:
Is the guy willing to meet you at least halfway in your relationship need, which you should have defined clearly for yourself?
It takes a few dates to work that out?
Especially when you are dating in a different culture it is very important to have your ideas about a solid relationship that can make you a better version of yourself written down and ready as a checklist.
In the Philippines, relationships develop with the speed of light, before you know it the wedding license is processed and maybe that is not what you want. So you better have very clear in your system what you do want. In Europe a guy will pursue you but probably for all the wrong reasons, same like in Mexico where they flirt you out of your pants and that seems to be the only reason they flirt with you: so you drop your pants.
Of course, the excitement of knowing if a guy is geniunly interested in you before you go on the next date is thrilling. But it also diverts you from the real goal: Finding everlasting love and a solid relationship all by yourself,w ithout depending on the other person for answers.
In order to reach your goal, you have to keep your focus on things that matter to you
Does he like you? Maybe yes, maybe no, time will tell as will your gut feeling. But more important is: fits he in your picture frame? Is it realistic to fall in love with him and work towards a future with him from your point of perspective, instead of focussing merely on him and his feelings for you? He likes you for he asked you on a date, and he texts you. If he is not initiating another date, you have your answer,
But while dating you have an obligation to yourself to be realistic about your relationship wishes, or you are bound to break your own heart!
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Jeanette, a Dutch female nomad, started to travel the world at the age of 17. Walker of beaches, shell searcher and iPhone photographer. Writer and owner of two websites
Currently, she lives in Mexico.
She is an emigration coach and works online.
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