Before I started my nomad life I asked and googled that so much. It was the number one question lingering in my mind. My life was a complete disaster according to myself. And I felt trapped and cornered. There seemed to be no exit in my tunnel. And the world had become a horrible place of impossibilities.
When you feel cornered you kind of lose your focus. The solutions that seem to come to mind, if any, all seem impossible or the mere thought of them wear you out before you have even thought of the possibility to imply them.
It takes a lot of energy and soul-searching to break out os the vicious circle of social and economic obligations.
I’m in huge debt!
I, for instance, was looking at a huge debt. Now, I did have an insurance policy for that, but the killing factor was: would I meet the requirements. And at clearer better days, I knew I was. But other days I could almost drown in despair.
It took a helping hand to break out of the circle. I do not think I could have done it myself. I am the kind of person that rather runs away avoiding confrontation and such, than that I have the courage to face up to what is on my path.
And also with this, I was planning to escape, to start a life on the street and not look back.
It was only one day I read an article on how to repay even seemingly endless debts that made me wonder if there could be another way.
The article described a life where you turn your situation into your benefit. Not approach life from the point of view on the amount of money you need to survive your circumstances, but turn it around and seek a way of life that matches your income.
And from there, when there are rays of hope, work on increasing that income up till the basic needs you have.
That is preferably done from a country where the cost of living is low. For only there you have the potential to grow some reserves.
Once you realize there might be a way out, the world becomes a better place step by step.
Leaving your debts behind for the bank to solve is not the way to deal with it, but in some cases, it might be for the best, until you are back on your feet again and can pay them back, little by little. As long as you keep in touch and are cooperative, keep the communication going, and keep coming up with solutions, they will be working with you to find a way.
The first thing you need to do is face up to the fact that life has not played you a winning card and you are on the other side of the line of success for now. That does not mean your life is over. It only means you need a different approach and a different point of view.
Now it is easy for me to say this since my insurance covered the remaining debts after the bank finally sold the house, it took them over 2 years to do so, all that time I was abroad, feeling their presence in everything I did. Knowing I did not do it the right way according to the bank. But knowing I did it the right way for me.
I kept in touch, I gave them all the information they needed, I signed papers, and finally, I got out.
Now some of us might not be so lucky, some of us have to pay an amount to the bank, I have a friend who has to do that. But he came to an agreement with the bank, they promised not to file for his bankruptcy and be patient and he promised to pay back as much as he could. It took him a bit longer than usual, but the bank agreed and both were rather happy with the solution.
And that is what I mean when I say you have to accept the fact you, for now, are not on the winning side of the card game. Whether it is a huge credit card debt or loans that seem without an end date or foreclosure of your house. There is a way out.
Just adjust your lifestyle to your income if you have any. Sell the old stuff in the attic, be creative and work your way around it. or be a daredevil and try your luck in another country, making the best out of a bad situation and paying back your debts from abroad. Where life is cheaper and you might be able to save more money.
Once you get up from the bottom of the depression you sank in when life seemed without any use, once you start moving forward again, there will be a light at the end of your temporary tunnel. it may take a while to reach it, but it is there.
What can you do so far to get back in control?
talk your situation through with a financial planner before the authorities put your account or finances under a legal guardian. You have seen this coming, so be 1 step ahead of them
make a proposition that is realistic to both the financial institution and yourself. When they do it for you, it will be a done deal, where there is hardly any room for you to move around.
When you react proactively, they might respond positively.
I hate my job!
There is nothing worse than not being in a job you like. I remember me, at the end of my time as an employer, I hated every day going in. I hated my manager, most of my colleagues, and I dreaded the day my projects needed to be reported for my manager would always find something to pick on while I knew I was successful.
I had this growing insecurity that some days almost paralyzed me and made me come in late for work too often.
It was hard finding another job. It really was, I was too old, too specialized and overqualified for most jobs available. I talked to an intermediary to help me out and he found me a new opportunity. I took it with both hands and my life became a happy life again.
Again, like when in debts: you are the one that needs to reach out, to seek help, talk to family or friends and/or change your course.
What can you do when you feel stuck in your job?
ask your employer for training funding, most companies have that and the money is seldom used
to look around if there is a possibility the government or a fund will pay for training or course to retrain you.
do tests, intelligence tests, skill tests to find out what you like doing most
seek the help of an employment agency
look closely at your hobbies, do you have any that might become a full-time job?
start a part-time new job and work from there.
Like I started as a freelancer while I was still employed, after a while I could limit my working contract with 8 hours a week, to grow my own business, after that, I looked for chances to quit my job entirely and do what I loved most.
I hate my social life!
When I typed this heading I was in doubt what to type for maybe you hate your social life because:
you are in the wrong relationship
your family sucks energy and you don’t know how to handle that
you have no friends or wrong kind of friends
you are afraid to go out and participate in a sport, go dancing or visit a bar or restaurant all by yourself.
you suffer from anxiety
you made a huge mistake in your social life and need a new group to hang out with
you just feel you do not fit in (anymore)
It is hard for me to address all. Especially in a general article without knowing who is reading this as a person and knowing nothing about your circumstances. When something is wrong between you and other people usually there is more to it than unhappiness or discontentment.
It might be wise to seek counseling on this matter. For you can end up hurting others or yourself by making judgment errors or just cutting people off because of whatever reason. I am not a fan of that.
I do not have contact with my family anymore. I mean, they are on my Facebook, but my interaction with them and theirs with me is so little, they could be strangers. There is a reason for that, a very personal one. I had many years of therapy before I came to a point where I said: and now it has been enough, I break with my family for I believe I will benefit from it.
I feel misunderstood all my life by my siblings and parents and we do not seem to connect on any level
The same happened in my marriage. I was the one to end it. And I seriously questioned myself in those days what was wrong with me, for I seemed to have a problem connecting to people. I could not relate, I felt neglected, ignored, cast out. You name it, any negativity I felt it. And I tried and tried. Finally, I decided I wanted to use the energy that was sucked up by useless family meetings for more positive things in my life.
That was not an easy decision to make and I made it with a therapist, who played the devil’s advocate all the way. And as for today, I know it was the right decision to make, there is still that longing for a ‘normal’ family where I could fit in with all my idiocracy and be accepted for who I am.
So yes, you might benefit from clean breaks, but I do vote for reuniting, self-reflection and a counselor first
There is nothing wrong with you wanting to be alone, I live like a recluse. I need to live that way, otherwise, I go nuts. My mind works in mysterious ways and with the speed of light, and most people can’t keep up with my speed of thinking and my solution focussed always 3 or 10 steps ahead mindset. People bore me easily and I know people find me odd.
I have come to acceptance with that and spent a lot of time by myself. To regain energy to face the world and to adjust to the pace of life. I seem to be always ahead.
But being alone always, and doing so because you dislike people or hate people for no good reason, or even for a good reason needs to be addressed properly, hate can consume you and take away the light out of your day.
So promise me, when you want to escape your life because of people or social obligations, that you do seek counseling first.
Wrapping it up!
This article is getting way too long. I have to let it go. There is so much more I want to share with you.
You can escape your life. It is possible. You have to work on a plan and make it happen. I do believe there is a way out of most situations. If not moving to another country, maybe a change of heart about the current circumstances that can have a huge impact on how you experience life. But you can escape, when not, in reality, you can dream…….
Jeanette, a Dutch female nomad, started to travel the world at the age of 17. Walker of beaches, shell searcher and iPhone photographer. Writer and owner of two websites
Currently, she lives in Mexico.
She is an emigration coach and works online.