If you love yourself, you should be ready to let him go.
Empowerment for women in love. There is a balance that is easily lost in the eagerness to please a man in order to keep him and our self-confidence in which we can find a willingness to let him go if necessary.
Dating in Mexico
Dating in Mexico so far has been a confusing experience for me. In a country that almost breaths sexuality, it is hard to separate the bullshit from the real thing. With every man calling you “Corazon”, it is difficult to find the man who is really date-worthy.
Men in Mexico like to be pleased. They strongly believe in a woman playing her part of the game being all seductive and willing, while they are the studs and the papi’s.
They will pursue you out of your pants or bikini with the speed of lightning and will love you to the moon and back if or when you play your part.
And that part is embracing your feminine side, your sexuality and pleasure him. And not to expect too much else from him.
He will tell you his likes and dislikes and will apply mostly gentle, playful pressure on you where he can to have you follow his way and bend your own rules and morals.
You have to stand your ground to protect your boundaries. Most will not like that and toss you aside with the same speed they picked you up. I’ve been told I am difficult because I do not sleep around, I disagree to a Girlfriend Boyfriend thing without meeting and I do not sext with random guys in my WhatsApp.
But now comes the balancing act
I am a free spirit, although I deal with a lot of insecurities due to age and gravity getting a hold on my body and such, I know where I stand and what I like and dislike. I am open straightforward and honest about my life and my values.
But I am also a woman, raised in traditional ways on the Dutch bible-belt, taught that a woman serves a man. And although I no longer believe that, old habits do not die easily.
So, while writing this article for you, I just finished balancing the chord of being my prude self, the way my mama raised me or pleasing my date the way he likes and awakening a naughty side of me that was long hidden.
It popped up before, this naughty side of me but was crushed like a clove of garlic under a master chefs kitchen knife by a narcissist that shattered my personality during the two years we lived together.
I had to learn to love again in a grown-up way
I was raised to please, my mum, my dad, my family, my husband. And after my divorce, I broke free from that pleasing attitude that I had mastered to perfection. It took a few years but I was able to set myself free. I really enjoyed my new exploring sexual aware and self-confident self. Until the narcissist happened.
After I broke away from that unhealthy relationship, I’ve not had a real meaningful relationship, I had a few flings, but nothing lasted very long.
Because I was scared and I realized I loved in the wrong way.
I was not needy or jealous, but I pleased in a way that was based on the fear of losing someone and feeling loved.
I was afraid of failing my partner and myself within that what was called a relationship and failing my self-love.
I discover a new me, better stronger and yet very willing to please
During dating here in Mexico I discovered my old scars, they flared up and stood really in the way of me getting the most out of any relationship that was offered.
So I needed some help getting over my issues before I send my pursuers into the hills and shut myself behind my concrete walls again.
I have to grow a new self-confidence. And I did that with the help of some good talks with an old friend who is a therapist as well.
I became willing to please, but not because a man asks me to, not from fear of losing a man or from the fear of loosing being loved. But from a sense of new discovered sexuality and naughtiness, I found in myself. I please my lovers because I want to please them because it pleases me to do so.
You have to be ready to let that special man in your life go
My friend the therapist said to me when I talked to him about this: you have to be ready to let that special man in your life go, anytime he wants, only then you show real self-confidence, only then you truly love and protect yourself.
Let me explain. If you love a person that you also trust, because they make themselves trustworthy, you do not strive for perfection. You strive for mutual fun, getting to know each other and being open with each other.
You do not claim, you do not have to act jealous, or doubt him or yourself. There is no pressure, only respect and trust.
All you have to do is work from your own self-confidence
Men love confident women. Trust that your heart will be safe with this man, but more so trust your own strength that when he decides it is time to leave you, you will survive. it will not crush you.
Do not become dependent on him, have your own life, your own pleasures and your own style and cling to that instead of clinging to him.
Do not search for a deeper meaning in everything he says or does, or doesn’t say or do. Just accept things the way they are. Live on, for yourself and for the couple you have become with this amazing person.
From that strength, you can push your boundaries, discover new pleasures within yourself. Discover your sexuality and embrace it, and that makes you eager to please him. Not for him, but for yourself. For with every step you open up more towards your new boyfriend, you grow in strength. And believe me, Mexican men can make you take a lot of steps, they love sex in a way that a bible belt girl, no matter how experienced she thinks she is, blushes like a virgin.
In that new self-confidence, you can embrace your feminine side and sexuality
Feel free enough to explore with your lover, feel free enough to let him look into your deepest desires, your soul, your vulnerability and enjoy what he gives in return.
Trust that he is worthy of your love and that you are worthy of his. And that he will never do anything to betray that.
In this mature way of loving each other, you stand your ground. If it is a no for you, it is a no for him and he will respect you for it. If not, you are willing to let him go. For you have embraced yourself, you know what you’re worth it and what your values are. And know that you will be better off without him when he disrespects you.
For then he is not the right person to build a relationship with. Or if the trust you gave him is betrayed, then he is not the right person. Or if he hurts you in any way that is unacceptable and unforgivable, then he is not the right man and you can distance yourself from him and let him go.
When you work in a relationship from your own strength instead of depending on a need to keep him or to make him love you, you have a much better position in the relationship, and that will work for the benefit of the both of you. But mostly for yourself, for you love yourself and the right man will love you for that.
Jeanette, a Dutch female nomad, started to travel the world at the age of 17. Walker of beaches, shell searcher and iPhone photographer. Writer and owner of two websites
Currently, she lives in Mexico.
She is an emigration coach and works online.