My boyfriend told me I am not his preferred body type
We all know men have a body type. Being visual creatures I know not one man that does not follow a few “hot women” on Facebook or Instagram only to like her photos and stare at her lines and curves feasting his eyes. But what if those photos don’t even slightly resemble the way you, as his partner, look?
Before the world falls all over me by telling me that no man who loves his woman will tell her that unless he is trying to get a message across, I asked him. I was stupid enough to open that door to my endless insecurities and test my strength in this matter. I know, nothing female is unknown to me, besides owning lots of shoes and having a regular manicure.
I should not have done that, and why I asked it? Beats me. We were walking through town, looking for a shop when I heard the question come out of my mouth, and it took both him and me by surprise. At the age of 59, I should have mastered the art of thinking before I asked and plan to ask questions at a proper time, but I still have a learning curve there.
What is your “type of women”? I asked him while crossing the street
His first response was: Bae, do I have to answer that question now, here? Probable remembering my last ‘insecurity’-conversation, while riding a bus in Cancun. I know, I have a huge timing problem when it comes to serious relationship talks.
My reply was like: Yeah, it is not a difficult question?, must have set his mind into an instant calculation on risk management to find the truth in that reply. But he also told me I could ask him anything I want to know, and he will always give me an honest answer. He knows that most of my questions come from that knowledge.
I opened my own pandora’s box in the minefield of an insecure heart
Last few weeks I struggled with my insecurities more so than at the beginning of the relationship. Many readers know we met during COVID19 under weird circumstances and we rush with the speed of light through all phases of the relationship. I learned that he has a colourful past full of exotic stories to share as to where I have a kind of a post bible belt shockingly prude past, with only a craquelé heart to hand over to him in the hope I will be special enough to him not to shatter it.
But I grow and overcome and as we spend more time together I learn to understand the way he shows me how much he loves me.
But to ask him what his type is was asking for trouble and it is my good guess that he thought so the same.
My endless curiosity taught me that I am so not his type
My boyfriend likes brown skin, big fat boops and asses, the bigger the better he told me when I thought of my sagging breasts and white skin. He and I differ 10 years in age, that makes me insecure enough as it is with me being his senior here and beating him on the gravity issue when it comes to body firmness.
I tried to keep the panic I felt deep down in my stomach out of my voice as iI asked him the inevitable next question: so why are you with me then? (I know I never know when to stop!)
Only to kick in the door even harder: I don’t know babe, I don’t know.
And there I was, walking in a hot downtown Playa del Carmen while holding a new naked truth about my brand new boyfriend and his type.
God did I feel proud of me for not running off. Walking seemingly cool next to him trying not to freak out thinking of what I once saw in his Instagram and now heard coming from his mouth by my own request.
My inner drama-queen had a blast, I tell you that.
Social Media is a bitch and so is the truth, they can be very painful
I curse the gods of social media that make it so easy for men to follow their dreams and escaping reality only to feed their woman’s insecurity.
I am not a person to snoop around, and I do not have to, for most of his social media he handles in plain sight. He knows how insecure I feel about many things, most of all my body. And although stupid female questions like:
are your really single?
am I the only girlfriend you have? Sure there is not another availability in another state?
please tell me why you love me
why do you follow so many women on social media?
who are all the women in your Whatsapp?
circle my mind from time to time, I manage to keep those in.
I only wished I had kept the “what’s your type”-question in as well.
For now, I have to deal with what I feel inside. It is not for me to bother him with it.
For it is my insecurity inflicted on me by my stupid mistake in the past of dating a narcissist and a totally wrong husband and not getting out in time.
My past, my insecurities, my problem. No need to spoil his day off with that.
He already meets me halfway in this matter or even more than halfway by showing me how much he cares about me and probably even truly loves me.
How do you overcome your insecurities and why?
Your boyfriend is with you by his own choice. You did not put a gun to his had to choose you over any other woman in the world, or a woman more his body-type.
The fact that he cannot into detail describe why he loves you, should not worry you. Maybe he is not a talker when it comes to emotions. And we women, know well enough that most men show love in a different way. When his deeds obviously show that he loves you, trust him.
And yet you will have your doubts, he probably has his also. It is only normal to go through stages of doubt in a relationship.
Back to my story: I told him while walking the streets: so I assume you are with me for my money, I told him jokingly while stroking his cheek. And he answered: spoken by the woman who is so scared of that, that she told me straight after “hello”, “I do not have money, I am not rich and I am not going to support you financially”.
Woman, you made it so clear that I could not love you for the money.
True, I kind of dump that on a man I meet in the first few opening lines, to separate the boys from the man so to speak. Dating as a foreigner in developing countries I have learned some harsh lessons.
Other points for me to worry are: I am in his social media, but not on his Facebook. And he seldom shares something about me on for example Instagram.
But I have to keep in mind that a.) Social media is not a part of his life compared to mine, I breath social media, he sometimes likes a few posts (He likes all of mine and retweets some of my tweets, also the ones about us, when he does go online).
And in the old days, when we both grew up there were no social media channels to define your relationship by, so why does that bother me now? I have to keep perspective here.
You have to put things in perspective
Reasoning in my head and keeping things in perspective has become my way to overcome insecurity.
Social media: We are very good in real life, do we have to prove that on Facebook? Not sending so many photos and sweet emojis: he is a man, man work efficient, he is not romantic, he answers my messages with the speed of light, contacts me out of free will several times a day, what else do I need? Do I really need that kissing emoji? And photos? I have plenty already, we did that while we were in lockdown all the women in his past and present: He does not hide them from me, he explains, and he chose to be with me, not them, so why do I bother?
And that also goes for his type: I am fair-skinned, blond with blue eyes, I have a flattened butt and my once so prompt B-cup full breasts are a little out of place. But every time he sees me he is aroused, every time he passes me in our studio I feel that his body responds to touching mine. Do I really need more proof? He loves to take photos of my body, with or without lingerie for those moments we are apart.
Do I really need to worry he likes some strange woman’s ass on Instagram
Maybe when I was 20 or 30, or maybe even 40 this would have freaked me out. I tell you that he would have had a hard time about the ‘type’-answer. But at my age? (or any age for that matter, but wisdom comes with age, so they say) I have to trust him for wanting to be with me. I have never ever held a gun to his head, I have never ever blackmailed him into being in me, neither have I used potions to make him lose his mind or free will. (joke!)
To all you younger women out there: this is what I have to say about insecurities and types
Actions speak louder than words.
When your man goes out of his way to be with you, to text you good morning and to show you he cares by doing all those sweet little things for you, that is the sign he is into you. Even when you know you are not his body type.
Do you really need to feel insecure? Only when your gut feeling tells you that despite all the sweet stuff something is off, always listen to your gut feeling. It has a unique way to notice red flags that you do not see through your rose coloured glasses.
Do you feel insecure in your relationship? Do you need to talk to someone?
Jeanette, a Dutch female nomad, started to travel the world at the age of 17. Walker of beaches, shell searcher and iPhone photographer. Writer and owner of two websites
Currently, she lives in Mexico.
She is an emigration coach and works online.