With Facebook Dating being rolled out over Mexico lately, the dating scene has a whole new platform to enjoy getting to know Mexican men. But like Tinder, it is kind of superficial. Most Mexicans don’t even have a photo of themselves and are only looking for friendship or opportunities.
But I joined in, and as a white female, I had a lot of men interested in me. More or less. For most were just bored and wanted to chat for that one occasion but a few persisted and we exchanged phone numbers and had dates set.
Here are my first-hand tips on dating Mexican men:
1. Give them a chance to prove that you really matter to them.
Actions speak louder than words. and like any dating scene everywhere in the world, Mexican men also have to show they live up to the things they say. Make sure he wants to date you in public, be seen with you, hold your hand and be affectionate with you in his own home town. Let him take you to places he likes and that is his favorite and make sure you meet his friends or people he knows. If or when he keeps you in hiding, he is probably married. And when he is very serious about you, he will take you to meet his family.
In the early stages of dating, he should be interested in you and ask you a lot of questions if there is only 1 constant question: where are you, what are you up to? He is not interested in you. Not for a relationship. This is not different from elsewhere in the world. You can trigger him, try asking him a few questions, for maybe he is shy to ask, but when he does not return the questions and only rants on about himself, he is not your guy. He is only his own guy, looking for a flirt, a woman on the side or a one night stand.
Is he caring? Does he make sure you got home safe, not pressuring you into anything like sending nude pictures, being forthcoming and polite to you, as in: does he treat you with respect, that is a good sign.
I had a guy saying he was interested in me that only talked about himself, never asking anything, and used so many sweet words that there was not a red flag waving somewhere, he was like holding it himself waving it in front of me. And he didn’t give a shit about my well being, if I would say: can’t talk now, I have a splitting headache I would get a sad smiley and he would go offline, like a three-year-old losing his favorite fire truck to play with. Not even a: take a rest, get well soon, hope it passes, did you take an aspirin, be well my Reina, Corazon, luz de mi vida….nothing just an emoji. The total opposite of his ‘normal’ abnormal behavior.
Mexican men know how to treat the woman they pursue, like every man in the world does
2. Don’t believe a word they say.
It did not take me long to realize I was sold a lot of bullshit. So I asked them for their Facebook Profile or looked them up myself. Just to check some facts, if I could. Not many Mexicans use their Facebook as it is supposed to be. They work in jobs that do not exist, live in places they have never been and have names they made up. More so then in any other country, I have been to. Like I said: they don’t even have a profile picture. So it is hard to check facts and backgrounds.
Some men talk a lot of sweet-talk and none of it is real, as a matter of fact, when a (Mexican) men uses a lot of sweet talk in the first days of contact he is a player, a self-made Machismo that thinks he is a full-grown womanizer and he is just after one thing and that is not you but just your body.
Or just your attention to stroke his ego.
It may sound very flattering to be called ‘Reina’, ‘Neña’, ‘Hermosa’ and words like that. but when it is a slip of the tongue, happening in a real conversation, that is the Mexican way. when there is an abundance to it that feels fake, trust me it is. Just like everywhere else in the world. Trust your gut, don’t let it get you to cloud 9, for you will crash back into reality before you know it
Macho behavior comes in all cultures, but in some cultures, it is a synonym for abusing women
3. Controlling men, watch out for them!
Latinos, in general, are macho, at least, they pretend to be. Some more than others but they all have this overdrive in wanting to protect a woman and even control her. Make sure you set limits on that from day one.
I have been verbally bullied by a man for my dating rules, which are quite simple: first few dates in public places and we chat first for a few days, preferably outside the Facebook Dating App and moving things to Messenger or WhatsApp. Most men do not oppose that, they are okay with that. He was not. He wanted to meet, in my house, or his, and no chatting upfront. His Facebook profile I checked was empty and I refused him. Needless to say that that was an obvious one.
I also had a man demanding me to tell him where I was going that night when I told him I was going out. For my safety, how can that be, how can I be any safer when some random guy I have never met before, knows where I am. It might even make me unsafer, for he might want to look me up, check up on me. In his case, I think it was more a matter of being afraid to run into me while he was out with the wife he claimed not to have.
Getting to know a person should be fun, the moment the fun is gone, you move away, block the guy, distance yourself from him, For in the first few days things should not be so demanding. You should never have ‘to explain yourself’ to any man.
When a man gets pushy in the first few weeks of getting to know each other ( or as in my case in the first few days on chat) he has an attitude problem with women. Know what you are getting yourself into when you still want to continue with him.
4. Go slow, there should be an almost natural flow.
Whenever the interaction between you and a man is good, there is a flow, and you both drift on that flow in a certain direction. The moment you feel that direction is not good for you, you should be able to correct it without a lot of hassle or words. Like the man that was so happy I moved to his city he wanted to visit me that same day. I told him our first meeting should be in a public place, not in a room that is mainly filled with a big 2 person bed. (make the conversation light, dare to make a joke) he agreed, sent me a huge smile and that was it, I am to choose the place than we set a date.
That is a flow. The moment you feel a push forward, that flow is gone. Underneath all the flattering words you find a pushy behavior as well. What I am saying is this: when the guy sweet talks you out of your pants, that is pushy, no matter how flattered you feel. But when he starts with a “good morning Preciosa ” after a very good first date, that is nice, that is flow.
Make sure your guy is trustworthy, single, ready to really date you, communicate your wishes and feelings openly and without holding back, and see how he reacts, and progress from there.
Make sure that you are building a house using the same building plans
5. Make sure you know your own destiny and stay in control of that.
As a foreigner in a new country, I should stay faithful to my own wishes and needs more so than as a person dating in my own home country. I started my life with a purpose, and I need to be able to pursue that life I wanted for myself, with a guy in tow.
When I dated in the Philippines, I tried to adjust to the guy’s inability to travel with me. So After every trip, I returned to him. It was frustrating as hell.
I was frustrated because he would text me all day every day afraid of losing me, it limited me, he limited me, our relationship limited me. He was frustrated because he was afraid of losing me, upset with me being away so much and unable to come with me.
It would have been fairer to him if I would have said: just for the time I’m here, that is all I can offer. And then leave the decision up to him instead of pushing us both into something we couldn’t adapt to.
I’m kind of in the same position here, I know I like a guy enough to see more of him, he expressed he likes me also, but I can offer him 2-3 months max. Unless he runs into a lot of money, a big bike and can come along.
Moving to another country for a relationship is a big sacrifice. Whether it is him or you moving. One has to give up all, for the other, not knowing what the other has to offer in the long run. Or if you can adjust to the culture and the overcome language barrier if there is any.
And with relationships being as much work as it is already, that adds to it. No matter how much you are in love know, once the honeymoon period is over and you both have to get back to reality it becomes quite complicated and it requires adjustment from both of you.
Is he up to that? Are you up to that?
So move slow, don’t do anything drastic, a house is never built in one day, and you have to make sure you build it from the same building plans.
So how am I getting on?
Well, I have a few options for a date, but I am in control, not the man. He can buy me a drink, have a say in time and date, but as anywhere in the world where I date, I am the one to decide where and I also tell him I prefer daytime for a first date over nighttime. There’s some flexibility in all my preset dating (safety) rules but they are my rules and it is up to me to divert from them. Not up to the man to talk me into abandoning them.
Don’t just settle for being ‘his queen’ stay in charge of your own destiny
Dating in Mexico is not much different from dating anywhere in the world. Although the prejudice from Mexican men about non-Latino men and women can be quite a deal breaker right from the start:
– You are used to cold unromantic men that is why you think I am a womanizer
– Foreign (in my case; white) women are easy to get into bed for a one night stand
Know yourself and be clear in communicating your needs and wishes to the man, see how he reacts, if it is in disrespect towards your wishes, make sure he understood you in the right way, still disrespectfully and trying to put on his will? Back out, cancel, move away.
Dating is about fun, it is about meeting people and it is about flow.
And remember: the first date is nothing more than a meeting, checking the other person out, hearing their voice, seeing body language, nothing more than that, so present your true confident self.
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Jeanette, a Dutch female nomad, started to travel the world at the age of 17. Walker of beaches, shell searcher and iPhone photographer. Writer and owner of two websites
Currently, she lives in Mexico.
She is an emigration coach and works online.