I have had my share of red flags, and you would think that I am wiser with the years and the experiences. But dating in a different culture is not always so clear when it comes to red flags. Sometimes there are cultural differences that seem to be red flags. So when dating in another culture you need to trust your gut feeling more than ever. And we all know that our intuition can become overruled by the idea of falling in love.
After again ignoring red flags just for the sake of wanting a relationship to work and not walk away, again I decided to write them down, the red flags I encountered while dating in Mexico. So I can read them again when I am in doubt and you can benefit from it as well.
I am going to describe 7 types of man that is very common in the Mexican dating scene and that you should avoid at all costs. Unless you are in for a fling or a broken heart.
The Future Faker
They are everywhere in the world, future fakers, men that make you believe you are heading for a Walt Disney romantic movie ending. And in some ways, they speak the truth, because we know Walt Disney is a master of fairy tales, and that is exactly what this man is promising you: a fairy tale, a story, it will never happen.
He will promise you the moon, and he seems more than perfect. But it is all words. And the reality behind those words that you are so willing to soak in, is harsh.
In Mexico Future Fakers usually have huge debts and live from paycheck to paycheck without a penny to spare. (or to spend on you). They drink a lot all hours of the day, probably have a wife or a bunch of kids stashed away somewhere and they sleep in a hammock. Nothing wrong with sleeping in a hammock, but he will not tell you that you can’t sleep at his place for that reason. Or maybe he will, and he will promise you he will buy a bed, as soon as……whatever, and whatever never comes.
He promises you roses, the moon, a happily ever after, after each time you do something for him he will promise to plan a date, make you happy, proof to you he is worthy of you, but the relationship never goes any further than superficial and shallow and your bright loving future with him will never happen.
The not so Single Separated Man
Some men will tell you they are separated. Please ask if they are divorced. If they will not answer your question they are simply in a committed relationship but left their home and family to work elsewhere in the country. This kind of man follows the money, where there is work they will stay and send money home, and where they stay they want a relationship.
They are very involved, sometimes with multiple women, and probably have a bunch of kids.
Technically they speak the truth, they are separated, by distance, from their spouse. But since we read another meaning in the word “separated” this can cause a lot of trouble later on. Especially when the wife finds out about you.
A very common find in Mexico since lying is part of daily life in this country. And especially when it comes to relationships. They lie about almost everything as long as you like them. So do not be surprised if your date shows up and looks nothing like his photo, is unemployed and expects you to pay for all the bills, and is shorter than he told you he was.
And of course, all of that written above.
And don’t be surprised if he lies about his health certificate also when he tells you guys do not need condoms for he has been tested for STDs recently.
In a world where machismo men rule, Mexican men feel entitled to be blunt. So they will be blunt. For example about your clothes if you ask them if they like them.
But they will also show you who is boss. Not in a bad way, although there are still some men in this country that raise their hands. No, they will show you in a subtle way, with little comments and negative remarks. They neg, and they feel they have a right to do that.
It may start with small things but grow out to make you lose your self-confidence and make you feel little. Like: Woman, get me a beer. Or: it is your job as a girlfriend to do that for me.
My boyfriend used to say, hey babe (knowing I do not like alcohol) take a few shots of tequila to loosen up in bed, I like you better when you are a little relaxed. When I told him how stupid his remark was he told me it was “only a joke and I was too sensitive and lacked humor”. It was at that moment I realized I needed to break up with him. (read also: My boyfriend told me I am not his preferred body type)
Or a date that tells you when you ask for more information before you want to meet them: Don’t be so paranoid woman, you can trust me.
The Speedy Gonzales of the dating scene
Men that move fast are men to avoid. But there is fast and there is Mexican fast. Where Mexicans tend to be 15 minutes late on appointments (and also dates) this guy acts with the speed of lightning to secure you as his girlfriend. Sometimes even before you guys have met.
Are you single, not committed? Are you sure? I like you, do you want to be my girlfriend, I love you.
In that order.
Or when you go on a date, the first kiss ends in a breast groping, intense breathtaking kissing wrestling match, even when you struggle and say no. Because you are the love of his life, he has never met anyone like you before and he will love you forever.
Those guys are dangerous, and potential stalkers, trust me. I dated one. And I still look over my shoulder if he is not following me around.
The Romantic Players
These men are fun if you are here only for short casual sex and not looking for a relationship. They will do anything to get you in bed. They sleep around. And the more women the happier they are. They don’t even care about an age gap and happily date older women. If you are here for vacation, they probably drop you off at the airport after your hot steaming holiday, claiming to call you, to never forget you, only to hurry to “arrivals” to pick up the next date.
Mexicans are known for their flirting, their moves, their romantic words. And they can be pretty good at it. It can take you high, but also let you down fast and painful maybe when you are not on the same page.
Now Players are everywhere in the world. But here in Mexico, especially in the tourist areas, you have players that will do anything for a new iPhone, a week in a resort hotel, and nights out in town. As long as you pay, you have your playboy.
You find these men on Tinder, in Telegram, Facebook, and Whatsapp groups. And they always look for sex, trios, and one-night stands or sexual experiments.
Needless to say, they are very experienced and skilled in bed. Much more than the average man you pick up in Mexico that will try to reenact the latest porn movie he watched. (read: Sex with a Mexican Man)
You can’t take them seriously when it comes to a long-term relationship, but you will have a great time if you are in for casual sex.
The mama’s boy
Mexican men are mama’s boys. they never grow up. They may be the man in the house and all that, but when mama speaks he squirms, no matter their age. He is ready to obey his mama even when it means you have to wait or it will make you unhappy.
A Mexican man has two queens, you and his mama, and his mama comes first.
It is not that he runs to mama like in the general meaning of the term “mama’s boy”. No, his mama simply is the most important woman in his life. And when his mama does not like you, it will reflect on your relationship with him.
After work, he will visit his mama and eat her tacos and while you are preparing his evening meal. And he will come home to you not hungry anymore because nobody cooks as well as his mama.
Dating in a different culture is fun but can be challenging
Jeanette, a Dutch female nomad, started to travel the world at the age of 17. Walker of beaches, shell searcher, and iPhone photographer. Always horizon bound preferably on a motorcycle.
Currently, she lives in a desert village in Baja California Sur in Mexico.
She is an emigration coach and works online.
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