The shifting interest of Filipinas dating Foreigners
Many, many foreigners come to the Philippines to find love and a life partner. But something is shifting. When you read the message boards the stories of finding true love are slowly vanishing in complaints about divorce, adultery, and breakups.
The golden days are over I guess? I have always looked upon the urge to marry a Filipina with some reluctance. Why would a 60-year-old white guy want to date a 20-year-old and call her the love of his life, and why on earth would she do the same?
And I have always proclaimed in this website that the pursuit of economic welfare is very much a thing in such relationships, more than the pursuit of happiness.
In Asia a girl marries, preferably up, to provide for her family. And in the past, marriages were arranged to make social and economic improvement for the family or both families or to even family debt. Love is secondary to all that. And that habit is still very much embedded in the Philippines. Add to that internet access. which feeds the growing knowledge that there is a better life possible if only you have the money or the means to escape your current life.
Many Filipinas have children, some from multiple fathers, they do not have a husband. They see a child as a blessing as where we in the West usually see a child as a huge responsibility, preferably to be raised in a family with both mother and father role present. We think about having a child, it is a conscious decision for many of us. In the Philippines it is a wish, a dream, even for a very young teenager, to become a mother. It is a gift of God and raising a child with both mother and father(role) present is not necessary. The family raises children together, and at the moment even children raise children, for it is pretty normal for a 15-year-old to be pregnant.
I blame the Catholic church for that
Birth control is available in the Philippines, but the church forbids it. The church kind of emphasizes the sinful use of birth control, leaving sex before marriage out of the sermons. And therefore many Filipinos do not use birth control but do have sex.
And I blame the ignorant Filipino for not wanting to do proper family planning and rather raise a child in poverty than give them a good chance in life. They prefer spending money on beer rather than on condoms.
Lots of white foreigners are complaining. Their perception of finding a devoted adorable virgin bride has to be adjusted into finding the love of their lives with a bunch of kids tucked away at aunties and uncles who momentarily take care of them. Only to move back to mommy’s new home once her relationship is a fact.
I have spoken to many expats that come here to meet their online girlfriend, and all of a sudden a child or 2 popped up to be taken care of, they feel cheated and cornered. Because they did not want any children and now they have an instant family with all the costs involved.
The Filipinas are shifting their views on dating white foreigners also
All of a sudden these huge Korean weddings are popping up everywhere, coming with cute little Korean babies. The (often young) Korean man coming to the Philippines is loaded financially. Not living on a small pension, but they have huge amounts of money. And are willing to invest in everything the Filipina dreams about: A house, A huge diamond, a fairy tale wedding, and a new future in Korea. So the Filipinas see chances there. For why settle with a white old foreigner with less money when one can have less cultural differences with a Korean guy closer to your age, that buys you a multi-million peso wedding a ring with rock too heavy to wear and a mansion?
So you Western guys better hurry, for there’s not many available Filipinas any more
Korean classes are everywhere. Becoming a Korean teacher is the new job prospect in the Philippines and many Filipino Facebook Profiles have already the Korean translation of the name or nickname behind their profile name. That is clickbait for new marriage and job propositions Filipino style.
When I lived on Siquijor Island, the last year, within a few months 4 Korean Filipino weddings happened, in style. They were extravagant. 10 bridesmaids, a resort rented out as a party venue, including the rooms, golden balloons, the wedding dress comes from Manila or Cebu. If the bride wants it, she gets it. I know Bohol, Panglao there are many, I see them pass in my Instagram Feed. And I am sure they are all over the country. For if there is one thing Filipinos are good in is collectiveness, it is like a hive mind, if it happens here in the Visayas, it will happen in every city and on every island.
It proofs that I was right by writing all these years that the economic prospects of a relationship in the Philippines are far more important than love, looks, and connectivity. That intimacy is subjective or even non-existent, for the eyes with which your Filipina looks at you speak a different love language than the eyes with which you look at her.
she decides to love you or not, it is like a switch, they are in control
And do not get me wrong, I do not say she does not love you, but I do say she looks at her economical status first before she decided to love you. Nothing wrong with that, it only means that when a richer group of men comes along, you might not find your true love in the Philippines, especially not when your budget does not allow the costs that come with raising a bunch of kids from the previous one-night-stands of yours truly, forever.
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Jeanette, a Dutch female nomad, started to travel the world at the age of 17. Walker of beaches, shell searcher and iPhone photographer. Writer and owner of two websites
Currently, she lives in Mexico.
She is an emigration coach and works online.