I wrote it before: Women can do anything and everything a man can do. I think me riding around on a big bike in the Philippines is the living proof of that. In a country where it is still not common for women to do such a thing, I am quite an attraction when I pass the Filipino men. And when I stop many admire the bike and wonder why and how I manage driving such a bike.
Especially in the more rural areas, where life has a different pace than in the cities.
Brought up in a first world country and in the upcoming tidal wave of feminism and liberalism, I settled my identity long before the new era of gender neutrality step in. But my sense of self was strongly developed at a young age. The world was mine, and I started traveling at the age of 17.
We white women are free, and maybe even wild in the eyes of many Filipino men. We represent a dream to many. They wonder whether or not we want to date them. And especially the older generation over 30 dares not to ask. The younger generation is bolder.
But the same counts for the young female white backpacker in the Philippines. They are more easy going and their need for a steady relationship, especially when they are on holiday, is a lot less than my generation seeks.
Young Filipinos in the tourist areas date the young white female backpackers more easily nowadays
But it is the generation that wishes to retire in the Philippines that asks me if they can find the same happiness as all the white men have found in the Philippines.
And since we women are brought up in a period where men were pursuers and women followers, we do well in this country. Where the art of pursuing still exists.
To all Filipino men, I can only say: Do not be shy. We love to meet you.
Maybe we do not want to marry you right away, being cautious as we were raised, but we are curious and we would like to discover your country with you.
Although Filipino women identify themselves much more by the man they are dating, and their value from his bank statement or social status. Women from Europa and Australia have a more open approach and to not care too much about social status. And those retiring in this country have an income of their own and have no need for a man to take care of the financial needs.
Although not all of us are rich, we can offer a better future
Filipino men will have to adjust a lot to liberal thinking and moving about of Western women. We speak our minds, we know our value and we like our freedom.
We are open about everything, there seems to be no taboo in our conversations and we love personal development.
So Filipino men are aware, dating a white woman can be a handful
We talk about sex, about feelings, we confront you with your behavior and we love to argue with you to challenge you in your ways of living. We love progress and we are very goal orientated, even after our retirement.
The differences between Filipino and European women are:
In general, European women are more educated than Filipinas are. Education in Europe is easily accessible and more affordable, and in some countries mandatory until the age of 18.
European women will speak several languages. Our educational system trains us to think and to oversee. To handle cause and effect and helps us to master the art of reasoning.
And European women know their history and are trained from an early age to name kings, dates and great battles. Not that that is of any help in their daily life, but you will find that she will even know about the Japanese occupation in the Philippines and the WW2 in Asia. But also the Spanish history and the big ships that explored the orient. All eras that influenced the Philippines a lot.
She will be good at adding numbers by the head and overseeing the cause and effect of events. And she will love to make plans ahead. For her education has learned her she needs to plan ahead to get good grades and prepare for exams. But also to meet goals set and improve herself. White people thrive on schedules. It would drive my boyfriend nuts if I wanted to pin our net date down, and he would just say: I text you.
Your White woman will not give you tampo. In Western culture, tampo is considered to be abusive and not done. She will give you drama, and maybe even slam some doors while confronting you with your behavior and demand a change. But she will not give you tampo in the way Filipinos can give tampo.
European women seem to develop a strong sense of maturity earlier than Filipino women do. European women grow up world-wise and very responsible and they can compete with the men around them.
Where Filipino girls are protected much longer by the family traditions and have a much ‘softer’ upbringing. Filipino women are living a life inspired by movies and television.
They seem to develop a less stronger personality at an early age.
They seem to be less goal-driven as European women are. Therefore they seem like a lot more fun to be around since they are so easy going and seem to love to hang around much more than European women.
You may find your white woman a bit unapproachable and maybe even a little distant at first. That is not because she thinks less of you, it is just the way she is brought up.
Filipinas love drama and make drama. White women love reasoning and are more down to earth
European are straightforward in dating. There is no game to be played. They will ask a man out without hesitating. And once they like you they will tell you openly. Filipino women have these traditional dating rules, dating is done within the safety of once home or barcada.
Especially the first dates. And step by step progress to inviting her to an invitation to spent time with her alone. European girls are more open about this and you may end up in her place after the first date if she really likes you.
She will straightforward to tell you what her expectations are. And tell you whether you are a one night stand or long term relationship material. Where Filipino women are more marriage focussed and long term relationship orientated.
This does not mean that European women are ‘easy’. They have strong values when it comes to sex and relationships but they are simply more to the point and there are fewer ‘games’ to play or rules to follow.
In most European countries marriage is less and less valued. With so many other legal relationship statuses that take care of legacies and taxes and such, relationship status like living apart together or civil union make it more easy to avoid the hassle and the costs of marriage.
Except for the religious women that still believe in the purity and sacred state of marriage.
American women seem to think of marriage as a logical next step after dating. When you date her, you propose. When you don’t she is highly disappointed. More or less the same as Filipino women. They expect when you date them that you are bound to propose sooner or later.
Do not be surprised that your European woman does not want to marry you. That is no rejection, just a matter of choice she has been brought up in. She will give you a monogamous relationship without all the hassle of a wedding and marriage certificate.
It is my strong belief that because of their self-aware upbringing the European woman is a lot stronger and has more will power than a Filipino woman. But both women have tasted feminism to some extent and created a different world for themselves as being strong, independent and self-aware creatures that love to live a life they love.
All women feel the need to take care of a person and all women, no matter how happy she is living alone, loves the company and the occasional romance.
The challenge for Filipino men dating white (Western) women will be different from the challenge Filipinas face when dating Western men.
And dating cross-cultural is more difficult than dating in one’s own culture. Most people tend to forget that in the hour of the butterflies.
I have had relationships in the Philippines that suffered heavily under cultural differences and miscommunication, until the point of breaking up.
Yet I do believe it is possible to be happy with each other and it will be not so much different than dating anywhere in the world. You have to adjust, adapt and learn. Like in every relationship.
For a proud Filipino man who is used to a wife that stays at home, takes care of the children and runs the sari-sari store it might be a shock when he dates a White woman. But then again, you think she is attractive because she is different and different she is.
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Jeanette, a Dutch female nomad, started to travel the world at the age of 17. Walker of beaches, shell searcher and iPhone photographer. Writer and owner of two websites
Currently, she lives in Mexico.
She is an emigration coach and works online.