I had 2 attempts for a relationship and spoke to plenty of guys, but in the end, it gave me nothing but a headache. And a lot of stress. So I gave up and deleted the dating apps, I have stopped dating Mexican men and in this article, I will explain why.
I have dated before in the Netherlands and in the Philippines, but dating in Mexico was a whole new adventure. The culture is different and so is the position of the women in this country. I found it difficult to find my sweet spot in dating, it made me feel uncomfortable at times, and even it gave me a lot of stress. Even as I write this article I am still in the slip stream of my last attempt who refuses to give up even though I broke up with him many months ago and moved to the other side of the country.
First I need to write a little disclaimer: I am 60 and I started dating here in Mexico when I was 58, and I have dated only men around my generation. The youngest men I had serious contact with were around 45-50 and the oldest was around 65. I do see the younger generation being much more relaxed in dating and much more experimental. Less traditional. As to where the older generation seems to be a bit confused within the modern freedom and traditional upbringing.
One thing stays: the easy and fast sexual innuendo is overall, no matter age or gender. It is pretty normal to be in a sexual conversation in the first moments of contact and casual sex in Mexico is much more a thing than it is in my generation in The Netherland or even in the Philippines.
Mexican men say they are self-confident and macho but they are just macho in a wrong way
Mexican men are not self-confident, I find them to be highly insecure underneath all the macho behaviour. And I do believe that macho behaviour is culture enforced upon them. Every man I met had an unhealthy degree of jealousy from the start, the question: Will you be my girlfriend, was presented way too fast to my liking, (within a day or so) and with that question came the jealousy.
For me, jealousy is a sign of insecurity. Probably in this country where a man can leave his house for work while his wife dresses up to have a sexual encounter with the neighbour it is necessary, but if you take time to get to know each other and talk about values and believes, relationship goals and such, that should ease the jealousy. In Mexico, it does not. It is a claiming kind of love. Romantic as hell if they want something from you, but non the less claiming.
It also says a huge thing about the position of the women in my generation, she has no position other than household, kids, tacos and laundry. The man may treat her like a queen but she is a queen in chains.
My first serious relation attempt was with a guy that was jealous but believed in equal rights for women or so he said. He had his own set of rules for him and another set for me. (read: I dated a man with no integrity)
My second date was no different, it was all about him and very little about me, he felt entitled to all I was, owned and possessed and I had no other rights than to open up my Facebook friendslist to him and show him my online activities, get him his beer (No I do not drink, I swear) and visit his nephew in the pub so he could show me off to the public.
Mexican men are male chauvinists in a weird way
They are very much supportive of each other, but they also look at each other with one thought in mind: will you be able to take my woman. If we were in a cab with a female driver, my then BF would be chatty excluding me from the conversation like I did not exist and sit on his own side of the car, if we had a male driver he would be all over me like an octopus, talking with the driver about women in general.
They tend to stick together when it comes to sharing nudes of their girlfriends and wives and talking sex, but they also are aware that those same women might be unfaithful to them.
Yet throw a bucket of beer at them and they are all best mates.
They all love to have multiple women as long as it serves them and nobody claims their women.
Another chauvinist thing is that they are lazy. They want you to come to their house or city or set a date, they will not set a step or show any initiative whatsoever unless you invite them over for free sex. They are so entitled. It just blows my mind. They wrap it in sweet talk, but it is there.
All the attention needs to be focused on them, all the time, in every conversation. I think I had only two or three out of the many I spoke to that showed any interest in me other than: are you single, no promises made to anyone, you are definitely single?? I think that not even the guy stalking me now which I dated for 3 months on and of know what I do for a living. He just never bothered to understand or to ask.
Dishonesty rules in Mexican relationships and dating
The lies, my god the lies I have been served by the men I talked to. Only a handful was honest enough to share upfront they looked for a second or third wife. The rest all lied about almost everything, starting with age, looks (old or heavily filtered photos), their penis size (seems to be pretty important as well to them), their work status or income, their habits and whether or not they are single.
Now that happens in all countries in all dating apps, I know, but here in Mexico, I find it more common, more embedded in the strategy. It is normal to lie. Even when you are out on dates working towards something special. And they are not good liars at all for they tend to forget easily. So you catch them in lies on almost every date or chat.
And they lie about everything, work, work hours, the food they eat, the house they live in, everything…..I sometimes wondered if there were any honest men out there.
A standard Mexican health certificate proofs next to nothing. When you go for an STD check here in a lab they check on Chlamidya and maybe HIV but that is about it. Mexican men refuse to buy condoms and pressure you for unsafe sex. You are at high risk to get an STD since they never have a health check or if they do they can only afford the basic ones. So be aware that Genital Herpes, Gonorrhoea. pubic lice and HPV are within reach if you have unprotected sex.
And believe me, it takes a lot of talking and they easily lie to your face about being healthy and not screwing around just to avoid a condom. Make sure you have your own and be strict about it. You probably will be a lot less attractive to men if you insist.
At least I was.
And the weirdest thing is: they don’t ask you for your health, they don’t care if you have an STD or not. It never comes to their minds when they are focused on sex. They are more concerned with you being single than you being healthy.
And the sex is one-sided anyway, maybe this should be in the Chauvenist part of this article, but it is all about them, and very little about you and those I had sex with were not skilled at all, it was like re-enacting porn. They have no clue about intimacy and sensuality. And they believe giving hickey’s is super. Which is so 1970 and childish.
There are more reasons, but those are more personal
I may not have encountered Mexicos finest guys in the dating scene, but I have had my share of flings and experiences. And I’m done. They flirt, they want a relationship, but they do not commit to it. It is superficial, very sexually-orientated or they want more, like status or money.
I have had young guys offer me a night of sex if I bought them an iPhone
I know me being a gringa adds to it. I’ve had that in the Philippines also. That’s okay for me, I can see through that. But I do miss the respect. I wish to be treated with respect in a relationship or on a date. And there was simply no respect whatsoever.
Most of the time I felt like an object of desire. And I don’t want to be objectified. I am a human being, not a possession that fills your fridge with Modelo and waits for you to get horny.
Their neediness goes beyond anything I have ever seen in a man. I have my latest date, which I broke off in March earlier this year after dating on and of for 3 months, still in my Whatsapp, not giving up on me needing me, harassing me with declarations of love while getting angry with me for not responding and being all nasty.
At the moment he has this strategy of sending me photos of us together. Claiming he knows I love him. And he will forgive me everything for he loves me. That I ignore his messages for weeks already, delete them unseen and told him several times to stop, doesn’t matter. He wants….so he does.
I love being single, so for me to have a special person in my life that person must add something to my already good life. And I doubt I will ever find that person in this country. So better spend my energy on more enjoyable things in life than dating Mexican men.
Jeanette, a Dutch female nomad, started to travel the world at the age of 17. Walker of beaches, shell searcher, and iPhone photographer. Always horizon bound preferably on a motorcycle.
Currently, she lives in a desert village in Baja California Sur in Mexico.
She is an emigration coach and works online.
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