Why doesn’t he text me back?
We women sure know how to go over a man’s actions, don’t we? In our eagerness to be loved the same way we want to love a guy we feel connected with we can really get lost in our search for the true meaning of his actions and deeds, words and gestures. Especially when you are in a cross-cultural relationship it is difficult to read ‘the signs’ if there are any. And when being in a long-distance relationship you probably have to deal with even more doubt.
So you met this guy, gave him your number?
And now you guys are texting, and all of a sudden he doesn’t text you back anymore?
And you are going crazy over it, checking your phone every so many minutes and reading over the past conversation to see if you have missed a detail that would explain him being all silent.
Maybe I can shed some light on the matter and help you ease your mind by breaking it down in small bits.
Sit down, relax, take a deep breath and answer a few questions
1. How long had it been since his last text?
2. How often did he text you before this silent treatment?
3. How long do you know each other?
- we have never met, or only recently
- we just had the first date
- we have been in a close relationship for months
4. How fast did he respond before this
- usually within seconds
- depends, if he was busy sometimes I had to wait for hours,
- but never as long as this time
Have your answers? Keep them in your mind when reading my explanation of why a guy might not text you back.
- A simple everyday thing that might occur when using a prepaid phone: he ran out of load balance, there is no connection, or he is working his 12-hour shift (to get money to buy load balance) and is not allowed to use his phone at work.
- He doesn’t like texting, especially when you date older guys, they might not be into the whole texting thing as you are. Some men don’t even have smartphones and texting is just not their thing. Especially if he has been answering in short one-word messages this might be the case.
- When dating International: His English might not be covering the extent of what he wants to share with you and to prevent shame, he’d rather be quiet than text you something foolish. This may happen when you do not speak the local language.
Those are the practical reasons why he might not text you back in a way you hoped.
And maybe you might even come up with a few practical answers yourself. Keep your mind going there! That’s good.
Now let’s get into that hope of yours
You may want a relationship with this man, but does he pursue the same? You guys may have a miscommunication from day 1.
Maybe if you stopped reading so much into his action and relax more, just enjoy the time together and the text messages he does send and stop focussing on the future, you might actually find yourself in a nice friendship.
Men have a sixth sense to pick up neediness. And although a man might be willing to serve you at all length by opening doors for you, fetch your drink, holding your purse ask you a thousand times if you are hungry, happy, feeling well, he also will, like any other man on earth, not be willing to fill the hole in your life and ease you needing him. On the contrary: by being needy, you will drive him away.
Men like strong women.
And a strong woman is not needy.
Maybe a guy in your home country would text you 24/7, showering you with emoticons (although I doubt that), in a different culture that might not be the case.
Just like touching in public is not done in some cultures, texting 24/7 is not done either.
The guy you are interested in has a life of his own, he likes to hang out with friends, talk about basketball, motorcycles and maybe take care of the rooster that is coming out in the next fight.
He wants to have a drink and go out to make fun.
And when he is doing that, his mind is not with you.
All those soft stories of white men thinking of you, and missing you when they are alone at a party, that might not happen when dating a guy in a different culture.
Other reasons why doesn’t he text you back
Apart from the above mentioned practical reasons, there might be a few other reasons:
- he is just not into you, usually, when a guy stops texting you, you are out of his field of interest. Maybe he ran into somebody else, maybe he thinks you are texting him way too much, maybe he came to the conclusion that you are not the one he wants to hang out with. This goes for guys all ages, all cultures.
- YOUR RESPONS: If he is not responding, stop texting him, stop wasting your time, stop humiliating yourself and start being a proud woman. Stop searching the internet for answers, for this is the only answer you will find.
- he needs some time to think. And this might be the case when a guy is texting you back, but it takes a lot of time. You are in the ‘danger zone’ of losing his attention, but he is still responding and if he is not apologizing for his late response, you are definitely no longer his top priority.
- YOUR RESPONS: Stop texting him, by texting him you will drive him away. And, you just need to focus less on this guy and maybe consider dating others to see if there is someone else that you like. Never put everything on one guy especially when you have only just met.
- he is genuinely busy if your guy was responding to your texts in a flash, and now it takes like hours, he just might be busy. Family matters, business, maybe he is sick.
- YOUR RESPONS: Just give him the space to answer you in his own time. A guy that is seriously interested in you will pick up where he left off sooner or later. Trust him, trust yourself. fill the time gaps by doing something nice for yourself instead of staring at your phone all day.
A few signs a guy that is texting you is into you
- he texts you back within a second (if that is possible for him, and his ‘second’ might not equal yours)
- he will text you good morning and good night messages (keep reading I have something to share on that one)
- he will ask you how your day was or how you are doing
- he will ask you questions to keep the conversation going
- he will open up to you, share some of his daily adventures with you
- he will text to and ask you when you guys will meet again
And ladies: it is not ALL of the above, just score a few out of this list and I’m pretty sure the guy likes you enough to keep in touch with you.
Keep in mind that personal character, education, age, and social standards and the quality of his phone and provider may be involved also.
Now on the texting ‘good morning’ and ‘good evening’ I have an anecdote to share with you.
In the past, I received messages, from a Filipino guy, for a couple of weeks. Every morning and every evening, just that: good morning, good evening. No more, no less, every single day.
Even after the most terrible arguments during which I was without doubt that he would end all contact with me.
At first, I thought they were very flattering after all the guy is thinking of me, right?
But then my western way of thinking stepped in and I got a little annoyed.
Gosh, could he not add some sweet talk? Be a little creative about this?
I even tried to flirt him out of his Nokia keypad, but no response. That left me with the uncertain feeling I may have overstepped a line and offended him……doubt all over, and the doubt was feeding my annoyance over this.
So one day I asked him: Why do you send these messages?
And he said: because you like them, you like it when I do that you told me.
And I asked: do YOU like sending them to me?
And he answered: yes of course.
Me: thank you for sending them to me, they make me smile
End of conversation.
And that is what it is ladies: end of the conversation.
We women should not long for more.
A few tips in general
- Do not send a second (or third, fourth, etc.) message: did you get my message? Show some pride girls, don’t show your need
- Don’t talk to all your friends about your insecurities, the moment you start spinning around the thought of negativity it works up some chemistry in your brain and you will need a long time to recover from that and enjoying contact with this men again without a doubt, jealousy and negative feelings like that.
- Don’t play mind games with him, like anything you can do, I can do better. Giving him the silent treatment in return.
- Stop focussing and start living
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JC from Holland
Jeanette, a Dutch female nomad, started to travel the world at the age of 17. Walker of beaches, shell searcher, and iPhone photographer. Always horizon bound preferably on a motorcycle. Currently, she she is on a road trip through Mexico She is an emigration coach and works online.