It is part of the Asian culture to first look at economic aspects and secondary or even tertiary for love. Improvement of economic and social status is more important than everlasting love that rides into the sunset, as we pursue in the Western world.
Although the word ‘forever’ is an inextricable part of dating someone in f.e. the Philippines. It is also very common that ‘forever’ is ruined by the greed of family members, or switched off the moment the profitable situation changes to less profitable.
The moment a Western person is dating a Filipina/Filipino he or she starts dating an entire family and even unknown relatives suddenly appear, in the hope that the ‘rich foreigner’ can help out.
Now I am writing from my own experience and close observation of nearby relationships, and I know there are exceptions to the rule, so bear with me, this is not about the good Filipinos that know and acknowledge the faults of their country and attitude that needs to be improved. And I am trying to make a point here on behalf of the Filipa/Filipino you are dating that is giving up happiness in order to satisfy a need, that most of the time is not a need at all, but pure greed.
For those are denied happiness and they deny themselves a happiness in order to satisfy the greed of the family members, relatives and sometimes even neighbors, ancient classmates, and colleagues.
The moment a white person enters the clan, family and relatives get dollar signs in their eyes. And they may not approach you directly, but they certainly steer any conversation in the direction of money, the cost of living, unpaid bills and business propositions, The Filipino style of indirectly asking for money or suggesting they are open for donations Filipino style.
There is a nationwide fundraising project going on the moment a white “rich’ person enters the family
You may have a money matter conversation with your partner prior to getting involved in a relationship and being introduced to the family, but your partner is a terrible situation nevertheless. Like for me, dating a Filipino freelancer, he will be denied payment for jobs, for he has a rich wife, so why does he need a job, he can do favor right?? Family members will lean heavily on him, for a man supports the family and he has a rich girlfriend, so he can support even more.
It is embedded in the culture here in Asia that you do take care of family, and that is a good thing. We in the Western world can learn from that. But in many cases I have seen, family easily go lazy under that care. Many overseas workers send all of their paychecks home to support brothers and sisters long out of school and not working because of that money coming in through the remittance service.
This habit of support, creates a multitude of leeches and lazy incapable people that suck all the joy out of the life of their family member send overseas to work his or her butt off.
Now that was rude, I know, but it is the truth in many cases. And I yet have to meet that one guy that is free to date me without his family going in overdrive with demands for loans and business proposals.
But I am open for life lessons, if he is out there he can contact me at info at leavingholland.com, but only if he is interested in proving me wrong and dating me.
That is another thing: dating a Filipino here automatically means I have to pay for the dinners, bus fare, ferry costs, day trips, hotel bookings. Even if there is money available in the pocket of my Filipino date.
For, after all, I am wealthy and rich for behold I am white…….*sigh*
Well here is an eye-opener for you Filipinos reading this:
Not all western people are rich, some have a budget, that has a monthly end to it and sometimes the month is longer than the budget stretches, especially when there are many electrical and medical bills to pay for your family.
(TIP: re-read that and mesmerize on it for a while)
A good friend of mine reunited with his former GF, she promised him she could control the family greed this time. They broke up over the family using up all her travel money when visiting home a while ago. The money was used for a stupid project that failed within a week, if it even started at all, leaving her without any travel money to return to her love.
Needless to say that she, being raised as the caretaker child, could not stand the pressure of the endless demand for more and more money from her family this time either. She was scolded, pestered with text messages for hours just to get 5000 pesos or 1500 pesos or 700 pesos, or 20,000 pesos, you name it, any amount would do as long as my friend was the one to pay, week after week.
She came with a huge amount of debts, student and teacher-loans taken out to satisfy the exorbitant spending of her parents and siblings. There were loans upon loans and all the family was heavily covered in debts no one ever could repay. Het father, as treasurer, even ‘borrowed’ from the barangay treasury sometimes just to get more money. And where all that money goes? Beats me, they lived in a broken-down house, ate only rice and some veggies or a little fish. It was not that their situation improved over the years and it was visible how the money was spent.
Needless to say, she could not stand the pressure and they broke up again, for whatever amount he offered to transfer, it was never enough.
So, in this case, the family stood in the way of a happy life for their daughter and sister. She is now preparing to go to work in a Korean factory to satisfy their endless needs.
I got back together with my ex from a few months ago only to break up with him again. In a previous attempt to pursue happiness together, it was a family crisis upon crisis, demanding endless money for electricity bills, medicines, and food.
Now I do not believe in giving money, I give food, clothes and I create opportunities for the family can become self-providing.
They owned a priceless piece of land in the middle of a tourist hot spot and I helped them lease out the land, literally, tens of thousands of pesos went his way. And all that money just disappeared into thin air. And still, they needed more money.
He never asked me directly for any money, but all our conversation soon turned into conversations about bills to pay, requests made and clan gatherings to be sponsored by …..yeah…..yours truly.
This time no different, he thought he had the perfect solution to solve his problem: he would tell nobody that we patched up. So I was a (dirty) little secret if you please. And that is how I felt. Tucked away in the Cliff house, not being able to meet him in public, otherwise, he would not get a job, or not get paid for the work he did and the family would start pestering him for money.
I could not stand it. So like my friend and his girlfriend, I broke up with him. Two relationships within 1 month’s time ruined, by the greed of families. And by the inability of Filipinos to stand up for themselves, breaking through barriers and telling everybody to sort out their own problems and give them a chance to happiness.
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Jeanette, a Dutch female nomad, started to travel the world at the age of 17. Walker of beaches, shell searcher and iPhone photographer. Writer and owner of two websites
Currently, she lives in Mexico.
She is an emigration coach and works online.
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